Growing up is hard. Watching your kids grow can be as challenging as it is rewarding, knowing that you can’t protect them from everything. As your teenager navigates the world around them, you may feel unsure about the best way to connect with them, support their mental health, and let them know you’re there.
In May 2024, we at the St. Louis County Children’s Service Fund hosted two St. Louis-area teenagers and one local mental health professional for a youth-led panel discussion on mental health. At Youth Voices: A Panel on Mental Health, Alex Zhang of Francis Howell High School, Legacy Jackson of Cardinal Ritter College Prep, and Ebony Hutchinson, executive director of the Community Reach, shared their perspectives on everything from family and friendships to social media and school. Below are five key takeaways for parents, guardians and any adult with a child in their life.
1. Saying no to social media isn’t easy.
We know that social media can have a negative impact on kids’ mental health. At Youth Voices, however, our panelists reminded us that social media is also how teens are staying connected. “… our generation is kind of based off of social media,” Legacy explained. “It’s less verbal talking. It’s more texting or being on Instagram or Tik Tok. Especially with covid, it was the only way we could connect.”
Alex and Ebony noted that young people can also notice changes in each other’s lives based on their social media activity. “It’s important they can communicate with each other on social media because they’ll pick up on things adults don’t,” said Ebony. Alex said this could look like someone changing their profile picture to a black screen or just pausing activity altogether – a good indicator to their peers that something might be going on.
2. Little things matter.
Our panelists emphasized the importance of finding small ways to foster connection when building relationships with teens. Alex and Legacy shared that learning something about them and taking an interest in who they are as people can help let kids know that you’re there to hear them.
3. Remind your kids it’s OK to not be OK.
Sometimes kids feel down or are facing a challenge and just want to know that it’s OK to have those feelings. In Youth Voices, Legacy shared with the audience that when parents tell their children that they’re going to be OK, it can come across as “You have to be OK,” even if that’s not what you mean. “… I can’t go to anybody else because my parents said I’m going to be OK, so I got to be OK,” she said. Remind your kids that it’s OK to have a bad day or come to you or another trusted adult for help.
4. Be open to conversations about expectations.
Alex shared that when parents have high expectations, it can lead to a lot of stress. Be open to your kids approaching you about what they need or what they’re struggling with – including when they’re having trouble meeting your expectations. “It’s definitely a hard conversation to have,” Alex told us. He said many teens love and respect their parents but may feel stressed about meeting expectations. “I’ve seen people snap, I’ve seen people break down crying… that’s when you know, this is a problem,” he added. Even just extending a hand or listening with an open mind can help a teen through a difficult time.
5. Remember that kids are experts on themselves.
Speaking to the adults in the room, Ebony reminded us to listen to young people when they reach out for help. “We have to remember that each person is the expert on themselves no matter how young or how old they are.” When your kids tell you how they’re feeling, listen to them and believe them.
While these are five things you can take with you now, this only scratches the surface of what Alex, Legacy, and Ebony shared with us during the Youth Voices event. Find the full recordings, including a virtual follow-up conversation and highlight clips, on our Videos page.